crash and burn

Was listening to Savage Garden‘s Crash and Burn today while driving and I spontaneously cried. I find the song very touching. In the past, I have cried (something that has been difficult for the last 7 yrs!) continuously for hours listening to this song in repeat mode! :-)

This song basically represents the concept of true love (family, friendship, partnership, companionship!). Do find the lyrics and some graphics to get the visual element. Youtube for video. Have a good day! Pictures take from the internet.

2_crash_burn

4_crash_burn3_crash_burn

When you feel all alone
And the world has turned its back on you
Give me a moment please to tame your wild wild heart
I know you feel like the walls are closing in on you
It’s hard to find relief and people can be so cold
When darkness is upon your door and you feel like you can’t take anymore

Let me be the one you call
If you jump I’ll break your fall
Lift you up and fly away with you into the night
If you need to fall apart
I can mend a broken heart
If you need to crash then crash and burn
You’re not alone

When you feel all alone
And a loyal friend is hard to find
You’re caught in a one way street
With the monsters in your head
When hopes and dreams are far away and
You feel like you can’t face the day

Let me be the one you call
If you jump I’ll break your fall
Lift you up and fly away with you into the night
If you need to fall apart
I can mend a broken heart
If you need to crash then crash and burn
You’re not alone

‘Cause there has always been heartache and pain
And when it’s over you’ll breathe again
You’ll breath again

When you feel all alone
And the world has turned its back on you
Give me a moment please
To tame your wild wild heart

Let me be the one you call
If you jump I’ll break your fall
Lift you up and fly away with you into the night
If you need to fall apart
I can mend a broken heart
If you need to crash then crash and burn
You’re not alone

crash_burn

LoCuSt Theory

Over the last 12 to 15 months, I have really begun to appreciate, realize and bounce my thoughts about life with people whom I am close to. I have realized that I somehow tend to create adaptive models on life continuously. Given my engineering educational background science and math play a critical role apart from my bipolarity while creating these models ;-)

27-28 years of existence and just a bit more than half a decade of bipolar disorder, I have come to conclude the following

The whole universe is built around Nothingness or impermanence. Actually a massive silence. The absolute truth is nothingness or silence!

My bipolar disorder has pushed me to realize this very quickly. The whole perspective in which you view the world changes when you accept it. In 2003, I faced this nirvana moment :-). Only around 2005 did I realize that I have to somehow really work on solving this issue. I didn’t have any skill sets to deal with this realization nor did I want to believe that all the activity happening all around us mounts to nothingness.

Over the last couple of years I have internally come up with a model that works for me and I see a similar model in different variants across various cultures and philosophies.

In order to find joy and growth in the space of nothingness, we need to surround ourselves with three pivotal things:

  1. Love
  2. Curiosity
  3. Strength

I feel the need to ensure that all the above mentioned items are equally balanced. A great amount of imbalance in any one of them leads to difficulty. From experience and inner reflection whenever I have landed up with depression or mania, I think its been either due to lack of one the above three things.

Another way of looking at this, look at yourself or any country or civilization. Whenever you think you or a community of people have flourished or prospered – you would really see all these three dimensions of life in balance.

The beautiful thing about this is the realization that you don’t need to attach you feelings or thoughts on bunch of specific things. Work towards having adequate of love, curiosity and strength around you & thou shall experience bliss!

Its obviously not as easy as it sounds! :-) You start of managing all three of them and somehow one’s mind, ego or heart gives way. Then your your luck runs out (its been my health in my case) and you fall flat and have to re-build again!

Note: I visualize almost everything in my life. Try the following exercise if it works for you in case you are experiencing a crisis! Take a piece of paper and draw a ‘big’ triangle and write Love, Curiosity and Strength at the end points. In the middle of triangle write, Truth = Nothingness (Silence) Then write things that you associate with each one of them i.e Love, Curiosity and Strength. And start thinking on how you can go about balancing all three of them. (increase or decrease!)

Catch me sometime over a cup of hot chocolate and can give you more gyan and hopefully learn from you also!

Next few posts are going on Anger and something I call the Silence Economy (just blogged!).

in the flow

I sat down sometime early last week and listed various activities / skill sets I love and I feel I am in the flow or zone. The things I like to do and don’t feel that I am putting an effort. No stress and life seems to be a blissful existence and I contributing back to the society.

I simply LIKE being i.e nothing else matters. I would like to have them ideally in any job I am doing. I feel everyone should do this for themselves and try to juggle these activities to get maximum out in their life. Here is my list

  • Learning
  • Observing
  • Playing
  • Creating
  • Connecting with People
  • Problem Solving
  • Imagining

As of you can see, these are the core attributes I simply love. Lots of things I like are direct manifestations of them. Diving, Photography, Design, Research, Solving people’s problems. Looking forward to hearing your in the flow activities.

slowing down …

I wonder how many of you resonate this following … atleast I do totally

Thought for the Week: From Barb Klaser, in comments to one of my posts (Dave) earlier this week:

I had a colleague once whose favorite joke when things didn’t go right on a project was, “I feel so much better since I gave up hope.” But in fact I think there’s a point in our lives when we realize that acceptance of what we can’t change is wisdom, and then our lives change gears for the better.

Those who haven’t seen the wisdom in that might call it laziness. I have a problem with the word “lazy” in that it’s a catchall and nearly always seen as negative. More and more I wonder if there’s really any such thing as laziness, other than the ability and wisdom to slow down and take life in — which I view as a positive trait, a kind of thrifty respect for life — one’s own as well as everyone else’s.

Most of the other people society looks at as lazy are dealing with dysfunction or challenged in some way not in their control. Those who’ve made a conscious choice to slow down and value each day — not for what they can produce to make someone rich or to “fix” the wrongs of the world, but for what life means in the greater scheme of things — are likely in the “boomer” age group. Younger people think they have to put up with an employer’s self-absorption, ambition, or greed, but many boomers have wised up and see it for what it is, and they aren’t going to wait for years to “prove” themselves to yet another of this kind of employer. Life’s too short…

It’s also the reason I try to take my business, as a consumer, to where I see contented employees.

Trip to Kanya-Kumar-i

Just wrote this poem – I guess my first one! Tried to make it simple and clear. Has 6 verses with 3 lines in each. Also kept complexity by making 3 more poems from this one – first line from all the 6 verses makes the first, second line from each makes the second and similarly for the third. Thought not great, they mean 3 different aspects. Enough of ones, twos and threes … let me start.

Thoughts leading to Conversations,
Feelings, Touch and Beyond,
Stairway to Heaven;

Lite Metal, Gitter and Yoko,
Maroon Canvas and two Pears,
Suddenly felt the Breezy Beamer Beautiful;

Brew, Bipolar and HaHa,
Lost in us we were,
Constantly the pedal kept in check;

Desires my heart for trips to towns unseen,
To keep it beautiful as ever,
A Flat tyre would you risk?

Proprosal and refuse thou shall not,
Break with a mac I will :-( ,
While you check your London eye;

Get Clarity with focus and time,
Relax I shall at the Sasoon Docks,
Always waiting for my Kanya-Kumar-i to SMILE :-)

Emotions and Work

Managing Emotions in the workplace article from Knowledge@Wharton puts together what I feel and believe in. Being more of a people person and preferring to work in ace teams – emotions do play a important role in my life at work. I personally feel there is never an end to learn how to manage them. Just quoting those lines I feel were important for my reference. Go read that link if are reading this …

“We engage in emotional contagion,” says Sigal Barsade, a Wharton management professor who studies the influence of emotions on the workplace. “Emotions travel from person to person like a virus.”In the paper, Barsade and Gibson consider three different types of feelings:

  • Discrete, short-lived emotions, such as joy, anger, fear and disgust.
  • Moods, which are longer-lasting feelings and not necessarily tied
    to a particular cause. A person is in a cheerful mood, for instance, or
    feeling down.
  • Dispositional, or personality, traits, which define a person’s
    overall approach to life. “She’s always so cheerful,” or “He’s always
    looking at the negative.”

All three types of feelings can be contagious, and emotions don’t have to be grand and obvious to have an impact. Subtle displays of emotion, such as a quick frown, can have an effect as well, Barsade says.

The researchers’ paper discusses a concept known as “emotional labor,” in which employees regulate their public displays of emotion to complywith certain expectations.

Part of this is “surface acting,” in which, for instance, the tired and stressed airline customer service agent forces himself to smile and be friendly with angry customers who have lost their luggage.

That compares to “deep acting,” in which employees exhibit emotions they have worked on feeling. In that scenario, the stressed-out airline worker sympathizes with the customer and shows emotions that suggest empathy.

The second approach may be healthier, Barsade says, because it causes less stress and burnout, particularly emotional exhaustion from having to regulate one’s emotions and “play a role.”

Barsade says research suggests that positive people tend to do better in the workplace, and it isn’t just because people like them more than naysayers. Positive people cognitively process more efficiently and more appropriately. If you’re in a negative mood, a fair amount of processing is going to that mood. When you’re in a positive mood, you’re more open to taking in information and handling it effectively.”

While you can’t necessarily change your coworkers, people can take steps to avoid catching a negative mood, according to Barsade.

Barsade’s research has taken her into a variety of workplaces, most recently long-term care facilities. Her research found that in facilities where the employees report having a positive workplace culture — she calls it a “culture of love” — the residents end up faring better than residents in facilities with a less compassionate and caring work culture. The residents reported experiencing less pain, made fewer trips to the emergency room, and were more likely to report being satisfied and in a positive mood.

grief talk …

searched for a bunch of quotes on the net. Read a lot of poetry on death, living, mourning, grief, courage and moving on today. Here is my collated rain drops (my cloud you know!) … its lots of quotes in no particular order. Well spent a good 3 to 4 hours digging them – felt therapeutic – an emotional mood stabilizer for my bipolar state of mind I guess :-)!

And we wept that one so lovely should have a life so brief; – William Cullen Bryant

Change has a considerable psychological impact on the human mind. To the fearful it is threatening because it means that things may get worse. To the hopeful it is encouraging because things may get better. To the confident it is inspiring because the challenge exists to make things better. – King Whitney, Jr.

Death leaves a heartache no one can heal, love leaves a memory no one can steal. -From a headstone in Ireland

When you are sorrowful look again in your heart, and you shall see that in truth you are weeping for that which has been your delight. – Kahlil Gibran

Grief remains one of the few things that has the power to silence us. It is a whisper in the world and a clamor within. More than sex, more than faith, even more than its usher death, grief is unspoken, publicly ignored except for those moments at the funeral that are over too quickly, or the conversations among the cognoscenti, those of us who recognize in one another a kindred chasm deep in the center of who we are. – Anna Quindlen

…when we finally know we are dying, and all other sentient beings are dying with us, we start to have a burning, almost heartbreaking sense of the fragility and preciousness of each moment and each being, and from this can grow a deep, clear, limitless compassion for all beings.” – Sogyal Rinpoche

Seeing death as the end of life is like seeing the horizon as the end of the ocean. – David Searls

When you were born, you cried and the world rejoiced.
Live you life in a manner so that when you die the world cries and you rejoice. – Native American Proverb

There is but one freedom,
To put oneself right with death.
After that everything is possible.
I cannot force you to believe in God.
Believing in God amounts to coming
to terms with death. When you have
accepted death, the problem of God
will be solved–and not the reverse. – Camus, Albert

It is not length of life, but depth of life. – Emerson, Ralph Waldo (1803-1882)

It is foolish and wrong to mourn the men who died. Rather we should thank God that such men lived. – George S. Patton, Jr.

If you learn from your suffering, and really come to
understand the lesson you were taught,
you might be able to help someone else
who’s now in the phase you may have just completed.
Maybe that’s what it’s all about after all… – Anonymous

Death— the last sleep? No the final awakening.- Walter Scott

Death is not the greatest loss in life. The greatest loss is what dies inside us while we live. – Norman Cousins

Love is stronger than death even though it can’t stop death from happening, but no matter how hard death tries it can’t separate people from love. It can’t take away our memories either. In the end, life is stronger than death. – Anonymous

You think you’re the only guy that ever got a kick in the teeth? Well you’re not. It’s happening every day and it’s gonna keep right on happenin’ till this thing’s over. And you, you can sit here and feel sorry for yourself, or you can come on out with me and see how nice people are when they’re alive. – Dalton Trumbo

There is a feeling of loyalty to her which seems to compel me to indulge in mournful thoughts. Do not mistake. Relief is coming. I am more like myself—more hopeful. – Rutherford Birchard Hayes

Who’ll be chief mourner?
I, said the dove,
I’ll mourn for my love,
I’ll be chief mourner. – Mother Goose

No longer mourn for me when I am dead
Than you shall hear the surly sullen bell
Give warning to the world that I am fled
From this vile world, with vilest worms to dwell:
Nay, if you read this line, remember not
The hand that writ it; for I love you so,
That I in your sweet thoughts would be forgot,
If thinking on me then should make you woe. – William Shakespeare

Now rest in peace, our patriot band;
Though far from nature’s limits thrown,
We trust they find a happier land,
A brighter sunshine of their own. – Philip Freneau

I went into the kitchen and got halfway to the phone before I realized that I couldn’t call her…. A lot of people who lost a mother or father or husband or wife will tell you that they find themselves almost talking out loud. I do that a lot. – Bill ClintonAlthough I could lament in the language and feelings of David for Absalom, I am constrained to say, peace to his manes. Let us weep for the living, and not for the dead. – Andrew Jackson

Mourning is not forgetting… It is an undoing. Every minute tie has to be untied and something permanent and valuable recovered and assimilated from the dust.- Margery Allingham

For years I have been mourning and not for my dead, it is for this boy for whatever corner in my heart died when his childhood slid out of my arms. – William Gibson

I do not believe that sheer suffering teaches. If suffering alone taught, all the world would be wise, since everyone suffers. To suffering must be added mourning, understanding, patience, love, openness and the willingness to remain vulnerable. – Anne Morrow Lindbergh

You do not see the river of mourning because it lacks one tear of your own. – Antonio Porchia

After that I could never pass a dead man without stopping to gaze on his face, stripped by death of that earthly patina which masks the living soul. And I would ask, who were you? Where was your home? Who is mourning for you now? – Ernst Toller

. . . A widow bird sat mourning for her love
Upon a wintry bough;
The frozen wind crept on above,
The freezing stream below. – Percy Bysshe Shelley

It’s so curious: one can resist tears and ‘behave’ very well in the hardest hours of grief. But then someone makes you a friendly sign behind a window, or one notices that a flower that was in bud only yesterday has suddenly blossomed, or a letter slips from a drawer… and everything collapses. – ColetteMan, when he does not grieve, hardly exists. – Antonio Porchia, Voces, 1943, translated from Spanish by W.S. Merwin

Sorrow makes us all children again – destroys all differences of intellect. The wisest know nothing. – Ralph Waldo Emerson

No one can keep his griefs in their prime; they use themselves up. – E.M. Cioran

Grief is a species of idleness. – Samuel Johnson

We must embrace pain and burn it as fuel for our journey. – Kenji Miyazawa

Memory is a way of holding onto the things you love, the things you are, the things you never want to lose. – From the television show The Wonder Years

If you’re going through hell, keep going. – Winston Churchill

Time is a physician that heals every grief. – Diphilus

The deep pain that is felt at the death of every friendly soul arises from the feeling that there is in every individual something which is inexpressible, peculiar to him alone, and is, therefore, absolutely and irretrievably lost. – Arthur Schopenhauer

Courage is being afraid but going on anyhow. – Dan Rather

You can clutch the past so tightly to your chest that it leaves your arms too full to embrace the present. – Jan Glidewell

Earth has no sorrow that Heaven cannot heal. – Anonymous

There are things that we don’t want to happen but have to accept, things we don’t want to know but have to learn, and people we can’t live without but have to let go. – Anonymous

If you suppress grief too much, it can well redouble. – Moliere

Had I but died an hour before this chance,
I had lived a blessed time; for from this instant
There’s nothing serious in mortality.
All is but toys; renown and grace is dead,
The wine of life is drawn, and the mere lees
Is left this vault to brag of. – William Shakespeare , in Macbeth, act 2, sc. 3, l. 91-6. “Chance” means mischance, meaning the killing of Duncan; life (”mortality”) from henceforth is trivial (”toys”); the “vault” is the sky covering the earth.

Loss is nothing else but change, and change is Nature’s delight. – Marcus Aurelius, Meditations

Even if happiness forgets you a little bit, never completely forget about it. – Jacques Prévert

The sorrow which has no vent in tears may make other organs weep. – Henry Maudsley

Every evening I turn my worries over to God. He’s going to be up all night anyway. – Mary C. Crowley

She was no longer wrestling with the grief, but could sit down with it as a lasting companion and make it a sharper in her thoughts. – George Eliot

Fear no more the frown o’ th’ great,
Thou art past the tyrant’s stroke;
Care no more to clothe and eat,
To thee the reed is as the oak.
The sceptre, learning, physic, must
All follow this and come to dust. – William Shakespeare