Over the past 7 years, my biggest learnings have been about emotions. How emotions affect our mind and behaviour !? I have been into one intense relationship and you are surprised as you discover layer of your own personality that you never imagined! Of all the emotions, the one that tops the list in having control is anger! Anger was the root cause for my bipolar manic phase 7 years back … and it has in various ways ruled small important moments of my life after that. I feel I have kind of understood anger 2 years back , came up with a basic model I use to overcome it whenever it enters my mind and then reduce the half-life (the time) anger stays with in the blood (yes you can feel it!).
The acronym I use when I realize that I am angry is ANGER = iME. Its a 3 fold model that helps me diagnose the problem and then the situation helps adapt to come up with the solution. I have even come to create anger in my mind at some situations so that I can force to be angry and get things or some action done in my life. Yes, it means being manipulative but we all sign up to be manipulative or manipulated in this world in all relationships :-)!
the 3 step process in iME stands for:
inability to understand the situation : Often we don’t have the mindspace or all the information to understand why something has happened or why someone is acting in a specific way. We may subconsciously tend to get anger but we must try to reflect if the response is right after getting all the information!
Mismatch of expectations : sometimes or most often depending on luck 😉 things happen or don’t happen according to your expectations. In which case for most people anger is the first mode of response when they realize they are no longer in control! For example : your open the shower knob and there is no water! Typical indian scenario!! You expect your parents to trust in you and many more things
Empathy or lack or it : When we get angry with someone we must be willing to empathize from their perspective before talking or acting on the emotion. We need to try and understand (most difficult part) on why someone acted like that! For examples you need to talk to me over coffee ;P
Apart from these scenarios, sometimes I am very irritable that lowers the threshold to get angry! This is a Physical aspect – less sleep or hunger!
The best way to get over anger is to forget and forgive. The faster you learn to do it the better it is. Sometimes its difficult sometime its not. Very difficult when its you getting angry over yourself for letting yourself get angry 😉 Anyway, this was a post I wanted to write for a longtime! Finally it had its moment of flow!